The "Switch"

Hey everyone!

It has been far too long. My last blog entry is from February. Here's what has happened in my life since then:

• Spring Break/Week at Home
• Grad school finals
• Summer vacation has started!
• Dad's back from deployment/family came to visit!

Okay.... while all of these things are wonderful (minus finals, but at least I passed all my classes!), they are not excuses to get off track and gain weight... but I did. Stress is my kryptonite, as I've written on here before. I have a persistent and longstanding pattern of stress eating (which is usually burgers, potatoes of some kind, and all of the chocolate in the world). So, alas, I've gained weight. With the end of the semester rush and getting used to summer schedule, my exercise dropped off from what it normally was. I still exercised more than I ever had previously, but still not what I was used to. So all of these things are a recipe for disaster. And I had a disaster.

So since February I've been gaining some weight, kind of half-doing Weight Watchers and half not, exercising when I felt like it, but not as much as I was. Now it's five months later. As with previous patterns, I also get super embarrassed when I gain weight and it deters me from posting, which decreases my motivation, which deters me from posting and the vicious cycle continues. I did try to get back on track after my birthday. Kyle bought me a new pair of running shoes and we registered for the Graffiti 5K in New Orleans on September 1st (my FIRST 5k!!!). I got super excited and started training with Couch to 5K.  But about halfway through week 2, I started having some serious knee pain, swelling, and stiffness. I went to my doctor who told me to go to the orthopedic doctor who told me I had bursitis in my left knee and that I needed to STOP doing all exercise except for swimming and stationary biking for 3 weeks (ending on Wednesday 7/17 when I return for a doctor's visit). I was so disappointed. I was told it was a common injury/condition for people who are starting new and different exercise routines (like jogging), but every time I looked online I saw it was mostly older people with bursitis, which fueled my self-deprecation. So I kind of got discouraged and gave up a little after that.

Last week, Kyle and I decided that enough was enough and that we HAD to get back on track. I was talking with my mom today and told her that to me, the desire to lose weight (and SERIOUSLY commit to it) is kind of like a switch that has to go off in my brain. And until that switch goes off, it's just not going to happen. I'll sabotage myself (read: Feb-July 2013) and I'll get discouraged and I'll fail at it. I think last week when I stepped on the scale after mine and Kyle's indulgent Fourth of July, the switched flipped back to where it needed to be, where it was in February.

When I got on the scale, this is what I saw:

299.8

WHAT?!?!?!  That number is snuggling with 300 pounds. UGH, 300 pounds is the bane of my existence! You remember how hard I tried to get under that dreadful number AGAIN last year. It really woke me up and it really flipped my switch. Not only is that number close to 300, it's also 20 POUNDS from where I was in February. I can rationalize a lot of small weight losses: "I'm on my period." "I've been so stressed out." "It's my birthday week!" But there is no way to rationalize 20 pounds. That's just poor eating choices and me being a bit lazy with my workouts.

So... we got back on Weight Watchers. Counting points, measuring food, eating out smarter, etc. This week was tough, because we have been eating with reckless abandon for the past month or so, but it felt nice to be in "control" (yes, I know, I'm always in control, but it's that cognitive switch, I'm telling you!).

Proud moments from the week: going biking two days, while Kyle attended our usual exercise classes. Sure I had a miniature pity party for myself ("but I don't WANT to sit on the stationary bike and pedal, I want to go do Body Pump"), but at least I'm moving my knee and I went 4.65 miles in 30 minutes, which isn't too shabby in my opinion. Going to Mugshots and ordering FISH and VEGETABLES instead of their delicious, amazing burgers. If you don't know what Mugshots is, it's a ridiculously delicious burger place, full of delicious burger smells, and other people (husband included) eating delicious burgers. But my mahi mahi and steamed vegetables were delicious, also. And I felt like a nutrition super hero. Just a little.

So we stepped on the scale this morning and Kyle lost 1.9 pounds (he had gained some weight over the past five months too, but not 20 pounds worth).... woo hoo!

My current weight: 295.2

WHEW. I lost 4.6 pounds and am steadily moving away from that 300 pound mark. It makes me nervous about next week's weigh-in (because a big weight loss is usually followed by a small or nonexistent weight loss), BUT it's a new week and I'm optimistic. This week back on track has showed me that I CAN still do it and that as long as I make the right, healthy choices, I'll be fine!

I'm going to see my orthopedic doctor on Wednesday and I hope he gives me go-ahead to at least do Zumba, because I miss it so much! Pray for happy news!

I've got some GREAT recipes that I can't wait to share with you AND some awesome new low point snacks that are super yummy.

Until next time,
BK